I'm sorry for not coming to speak to you in person but what I'm about to say... I don't think it would come out right. I think our flaw has always been our lack of communication, but I disagree with that. I've always been there for you, always. I've always reaching up to you through starting a conversation, inviting you to hang out, following you to get your prescriptions and long underwear, and even going to the park even if I'm completely tired because in the end you are not my classmate, or my roommate, but my friend. Maybe our real flaw has always been how different we both are that keeps you pulling away from me. I say this because I've felt always in the dark about you. I know as far you let me see keeping me away from really getting to know you and really bond. I know you will like to disagree and tell me I'm wrong but how can you if you are always with your "friends". I hate that you leave me always out of the loop of things, never knowing whether I'll be expecting you home and should I leave the door unlocked, or not see you until the next day, or if you will be in class the following morning. It hurts me when I see you lazying off and choosing your bed over your work, your NECCA friends, or even me. At this point I don't know how I feel about you because I've gone through anger, annoyance, tolerance, hope, love, but all I get from you is disappointment and hurt.
You may not notice but your behavior and your actions affect others than just you. You keep telling yourself your a Mamma's boy and that has to change because though I agree and so am I, I didn't fly away to disappoint my mother or myself so your laziness and lack of enthusiasm or interest in NECCA or others pulls me down. Realize that I am counting on you when I fall down because I have no where to run and cry and it's not just me, but plenty of our classmates that find themselves in the same situation and we are counting on someone to pick us up and push us on the right direction. I've wanted since the beginning for you to be that person. In a way your actions are kind of insulting to me because I see the potential, everyone in NECCA think so too and see you going far!!! but it seems whatever I do, anyone for that matter, it doesn't seem to work on you. Some of us wonder your commitment to NECCA or circus, and question your intent to go forward and be ready to what other institutions like ENC and Quebec will bring upon you.
At this point I don't know. What sucks about this is... I like LIKE you... likED being the appropriate word now. It simply just hurts to think about you and to try to move you forward because you seem to prefer to hang out with your friends and I say this with low enthusiasm because friends don't let others down and that's what I see some of your others friend doing to you. Friends never should fog your vision with other stuff. You need to grow up and realize that you need to focus on your goal and select your "friends" carefully, because if they are not there to help you, support you, and move you forward, they should not be in your life. Enough with going out and smoking, or messing around with guys, you are slacking off and throwing away alot of potential for what?? a good fuck? smoke? relax chill day? there is always the time and day and with the right people. Ask your self, am I in the right place? Am I doing something I love? and if not, how can I change that? I know you must hate me by now and I am at peace with that because I never had you intoxicated upon my sight, never did I gave you a wrong advise, and never did I stopped believing in you.
I don't know how things will change after this, I just wish you the best and hope that you stop preventing yourself form deserving better. Stop smoking, messing around with guys, slacking off and being lazy because in the end you know neither are good for you. I know NECCA is hard, hard to keep training, move, stretch, and work out, but that is why I am here, always have been. This is all hard stuff, every classmate of yours knows and like me, they are here to cheer you up and follow you through the same journey your in BUT like the pills to lose weight, us being the pill, we need you to step forward, move, and let us help you out in order for everything to work out well. Also do realize like I said before...your that pill to us too and if you are not there... what now?? how can you expect us to be there for you if you keep giving us your back? I need you to help me too because I got no family to run to or my friends from back home that have always been there in the good ones and the bad ones and will always remind me why I love to do what I do. I am living by my own in an unknown place, I am a big Mamma's boy and I am still pulling through so grow up and so we can all help us out in the moments of stress.
Have you ever asked me a serious question about myself? do you know something about me that I didn't openly said to you or someone in the same room? This is where my energy to push you forward goes away because you had little need to get to know me and kind of the rest of our classmates too and its unfair that you don't acknowledge that when we are still all here for you. ...I don't know if I could count on you now. Specially after yesterday's event and the lack to show your redemption by not skipping Members Only to make up for what you miss.This is just hurting. In a way I want Danny back, we all do, but I said enough, the damage is done, you need to just seriously think about your next move and all I can hope for is for it to be the right one. Here is for Lizzy, Kristi, and myself not to lose a talented partner in our MultiTrap minor...